15 September 2009

The Latest

  • RIP Patrick Swayze
  • I don't enjoy Taylor Swift to any extent, mais Kanye is, in fact, a douche
  • Joe Wilson's offense was neither political nor racial. It was a matter of being polite
  • I enjoy Glee
  • I reccomend Youtube subscriptions to Whatthebuck, ShaneDawsonTV, sxephil, The Station, BrittaniLouiseTaylor, Liamkylesullivan, and RIPLEYTHEBAND

A Night to Remember

SATURDAY the 12th: A NIGHT TO REMEMBER (in more ways than one)

Somehow my family birthday party and the annual summer closing powwow ended up on the same day this year...this is how it went down:

8:00--I wake up, becuase, obviously, Saturdays are for running errands and not for sleeping in nosireebob
8:30--My dad and I sucessfully leave to run errands, purposely leaving my brother behind with Mom and Grandma to do unforgiving chores
9:00--Elmer's doesn't have the right kind of Argentinian wine. Vodka and beer a yes.
9:30--Walmart doesn't have guest napkins in the right design. But the toaster ovens look interesting, so we pick one up.
1o:oo--We find Zeytinia to be lacking in both the oregano and Clorox departments...off to Stop and Shop.
10:30--I point out a yet untried bagel place as a possible candidate for lunch. Dad points out it's 10:30 and I already had breakfast. Guess who wins.
11:00--We return home. The house smells of garlic and MSNBC.
11:10--I am instructed to sweep the deck clear of leaves. I finish in 10 minutes.
11:20--I am instructed to sweep the deck "correctly." I finish in 30 minutes.
12:00--I plead to help with food prep.
12:01--I am instructed to make the sangria, which makes perfect sense, considering I am of the legal drinking age.
12:10--Peach schnapps smells delicious.
12:50--I clear the sangria cups and such and pretend to do something constructive in my room. I run through my Youtube subscriptions.
2:00--The party is slated to start.
2:43--Our first guests arrive.
5:00--Three Sprites and Twelve games of Wii cow racing later, dinner is served. My cousin talks about her generally positive reaction to her ACTs this morning. I eat way too much Wave Hill.
6:00--Present time! Other summer birthdays first
6:15--I open my first present--books on Shakespeare and manic depression. I feel optomistic.
6:20--Swedish Fish, Twizzlers, and a ticket to Next to Normal, a new musical about manic depression. Subtle theme or ill-advised hidden message from my family?
6:25--I seriously never knew anyone made the "Candy and Money" gift basket, but I'll be darned if that isn't a box of Nerds draped with singles.
6:30--A polo, an iTunes giftcard, and an icecream maker ball from Grandma.
7:30--Dessert, complete WITH FOUR KINDS OF PIE, including the only blueberry of the season
8:00--Aforementioned cousin: "Oh hey, before I leave, wouldn't it be a great idea if we all had a pitch-black night swin in the 60 degree pool? Everyone change!"
8:30--Me and six other suckers in the pool later: "I don't know....it looks kinda cold."
8:40--Two games of water basketball a la glace. My team loses twice.
9:00--we dry off in time for two episodes of iCarly in a row. Gibby takes his shirt off...typical.
10:00--House Hunters! This time, they're actually not Canadian.
11:00--BED. I AM WIPED.

PS--Title reference: the frigid waters reminded me of the Godawful Titanic novelization
CFXD

11 August 2009

30 July 2009

Me Talk Pretty One Day

Once upon a time i logged into Blogger and realized i had not posted in over a month. I chalked it up to trips the first week, laziness the next, "busy-ness" for the next three. Now, even though i have just recently resumed work, i find myself with time to spare, or, at least, more free time than i should have.

So what have i been doing this summer?

Answer: not a lot yet too much

right after school i went on a mission trip thru my church...you may have seen it in the paper, but i hope you haven't. all i'll say is that i was misquoted, to say the least. Of course, the $700+ application fee included a business class round trip train ride, but no decent lodging. Which is to say, i slept in a church basement. In a 16-bed dorm. In a converted closet. On the upper bunk: just below metal pipes and resting on the air-filled mattress that comes with the DIY bed that they expect you to throw away.


And this picture doesn't do my room justice, as this more open, bigger, brighter, cleaner room was for the girls.
Oh! Hello bathroom, with only 2 shower stalls for 20 adult and teenage guys.

And this was our lovely common room (this is how i feel hufflepuff's must look like). It was outfitted with all the proper amenities, including overstuffed couches, Apples to Apples, and a VCR with classics such as Atlantis and Shark Tale. The poster on the right wall with red block lettering was created by another church youth group in our town, and, while their poster looked better than ours did, i'm pretty sure they didn't have the initiative to start a street dance party at 10:30 outside a Metro station in DC. Because we sure did.

After i returned from a week of community service, i sure as hell wasn't going to contribute anything to society for at least a week. Monday thru Friday thereafter consisted of rising @ 11 am, eating incredibly unhealthy things, and rewatching Tony performances of Shrek and Rock of Ages' excellent/crap/hugely entertaining/mindblowing rendition of "Don't Stop Believin'." (which is finally a showtune!)

Then came the culture shock that is called "Learn to Row" camp at the Norwalk River Rowing Assc. Ah yes. I rowed in barges and shells, in sunlight and in rain, swept and skulled, and still managed to be paired with my brother in almost every boat. Most entertaining were our visits from the Russians (from rival Maritime Rowing), one of which pictured below (along with an irresistable goof from the website):

OlgaOlga Vengerovskiy is a former Open World Champion and Russian National Champion. She has extensive experience as a rowing coach. From 1980-1991, she coached at the Specialized School of Olympic Reserves in the Ukraine. After coming to the United States, Olga coached at the Saugatuck Rowing Association, and, together with Yan, founded the Water Sports Center in Norwalk.

Yuri Kolomiets

This is new our new coach. (ENGRISH PLEEZ?)

Technically, she's Ukrainian, but that doesn't make her less scary: she would ride through the water, flanked by highschoolers in single and double skulling (2 oars per person) boats, rowing as if their lives depended on it. Frequently, we would hear her voice (as she was hooked up to a permanent megaphone on her safety speedboat) cackling and screaming mercilessly to no end. "YOU'RE DOING IT WRRRRONG!" she would shout through the speaker, "NO AHMS, NO LAYGS, NO NAHTEENG!"

Oh, and rowing was a physical activity, so i really would prefer not to talk about it anymore. Moving along.

Then it was time for theatre camp, which brings me to today and this past week. It's actually been rather typical, if you consider songs, acting, and teaching little boys that it is imperative to wash your hands, yes, even if you didn't touch your penis a typical day job.

And that's basically it for now. In short, Top Chef Masters is great but the host sucks toast, the new Hell's Kitchen proves to be crazy like before, Meteor was a horrible waste of time, and i cannot believe i only just started Arrested Development on Hulu.

COMING UP NEXT MONTH: Jersey Shore, Cape May, Atlantic City, my birthday, suicidal AP summer work, a visit from the family in Rochester.

Until next post,

CFXD

17 June 2009

lotus fruit

floating buddha thinks / sitting on brown leaves / lotus in the jar / between crooked trees


lotus fruit / lull me to sleep


floating on the lake / staring towards the sun / gazing through the past, he'll realize / that his time is done

broken painting lies / shattered glass around / cold and empty wall / picture can't be found

lotus fruit / lull me to sleep



such unbear'ble pain / shut and lock the door / follow a new path, start over / can't take any more...

CFXD

02 June 2009

"next to of course god america i
love you land of the pilgrims' and so forth oh"
-- e e cummings


you're a hotdog but youd better not try to hurt her, Frankfurter
you're a hotdog but youd better not try to hurt her, Frankfurter
you're a hotdog--

if only we were amongst friends

or sane persons

20 April 2009

Living on the Never Never

I realize I'm breaking two rules here: 1) this post is certainly not 6 days or less after my last, and 2) this is not aboot my vacance to Hilton Head etc. That is indeed eventful but would take me much too long to write right now.

So some current musings:
  • Blood Brothers is to Britain as TSO is to America and Romeo et Juliette is to les francais, which is to say, epicality epitomized (you can quote me). It's the melodramatic and oftimes comedic musical about the lives of two twins seperated at birth (the wikinition is quite thorough). After having rave reviews of its performance @ Pelham Memorial High in NY, I downloaded the original cast album (UK) to listen to on car trips and relive the performance. And I will tell you--it's the oddest balance of hokey and absolutely amazing songs I've ever encountered. Lyrics, available through a Google search, don't do the musical's powerful and recurrent melodic themes justice alone, though some are passable as standalone lyrics.
  • Susan Boyle is the cutest little old lady ever. Enough said.
  • Jeffrey Steingarten's new book (ie published 6 yrs ago and I wasn't aware) lives up to his last beautifully. If you're a fan of watching his criticism on Iron Chef, as I am, your appreciation for him will increase 100-fold with reading his books.
  • Brigadoon is almost here. Lawds.
  • Won't be going to Chicago. Sorry.
  • It's Pot Day and I am not celebrating.
CFXD

11 April 2009

TV Update: All you didn't need to know and therefore were not afraid to ask

Tuesday:
American Idol was meh. The only entertaining parts were the Observer's (Fringe) appearances, and Adam Lambert's dad's remark that "he didn't like sports much." Well, this came as no surprise to anyone, because...
Hey! How did THIS get here?
I MEAN, because he toured with Wicked. Ah, you know those acting types. C+

Fringe, though, was great. I rated it an 8/10 on my favorite fan blog. I'm not great with keeping my own interest with writing recaps, but Fox put out a little happy recap vid after the latest episode aired.


All in all, quite stimulating. B+

Wednesday
Absolutely nothing. Studying and rehearsal call.

Thursday
Oh jezzuz. So many shows.
The Office, Pt. 1--Michael hires former coworkers, gets turned down a loan by his Gram A-
Parks and Rec--Amy Poeler is disillusioned, Rashida Jones is overworked, Aziz Ansari is pervy, Nick Offerman is apathetic, Aubrey Plaza is sublimely sardonic, Paul Schneider is annoyed. I am pleased. Pilot--A
The Office, Pt. 2--Cramped offices, failed sucking up. Highlight: Dwight and Andy now duking it out over the new receptionist. B
30 Rock--layoffs at NBC! Celebrity misunderstanding, Tina Fey whoring herself out for smaller budget cuts at TGS, Roger Bart as the auditor. How could this be anything but A+?
Hell's Kitchen--everyone sucked, as usual. First service with one unified team, and everyone is still a self-centered ass. Giovanni gets the boot. Generally boring. B-

--CFXD

07 April 2009

The House of the Rising Sun

Some things to say first:
  1. COMPLETELY disregard my last post's introduction. As both a lazy lump and an [a]pathetic mathematician, I have neither the time nor the desire to post "every prime day." As you can see, I've just adopted the much more efficient method of posting at least once every Adaduanan-Soviet week.
  2. Upcoming events for me include a road trip/vacation to the Land of Deen (South Caroliner), managing and performing in Annie's Broadway cares benefit, getting it Brigadone, and taking a short food tour/award ceremony/college visit to Chicago immediately afterwards. Pictures sure to follow (taken from my Panasonic HDD camcorder which takes passable pictures but oddly enough cannot produce salvageable video)
  3. This week is like the biggest week in television EVER. To kick it off:
A REVIEW OF HOUSE 5.20 (Spoilers aboot):

Well! What an episode...starting out with Meat Loaf (reverently named "Eddie" in this episode) saying goodbye to his friends as he dies of heart failure at home. But--surprise surprise--it's his doting wife who falls ill, suffering a closed throat.

Meh. Opening titles. Do do do DO do DO-O! Jennifer Morrison gets a river again. WTF Fox?

So here we are, back @ Princeton Plainsboro. The whole krewe is here except...where's Kumar (I mean Kutner)? Well House of course doesn't take a sick day for an answer, so he naturall
y enlists Foreman and Thirteen to break into his apartment...where they fing him dead in a pool of blood, bullet in his head. YOWZA.
And then...Jesus I'm already bored. I'll let BlogsForHouse explain it:

"House takes this on as his main focal point of trying to solve the mystery of why Kutner would kill himself. There is a couple, an older man and woman. The man is having heart problems, and the woman fakes illness to be close with her husband.

As the episode unfolds, it turns out that the woman really does have something wrong with her, and She is bent on attempting to save her husband. The plot continues to revolve around the issue of suicide, from the woman trying to kill herself to save her husband and donate her heart, to her husband demanding to donate his kidney to save his wife, and of course, Kutner's suicide, which House simply cannot wrap his mind around.

House continues to focus more on solving the mystery of why Kutner would kill himself than on the mystery of what is wrong with the now mysteriously ill woman. House persuades Cameron to talk to Meatloaf and have him agree to donate his liver to his dying wife. He will die on the table, but he only has a few days to live. He agrees, but then Cameron tells House that there are nodules on Meatloaf's fingers, and he may have a curable disease. 

She's correct, and House tells him that he has a fungal infection and he's completely curable. He tells house that they'll be scraping up his remains to give a kidney to his wife. His plans are foiled when Taub tells the woman that her husband has a curable disease, but he wants to donate his kidney, if that's okay with her.

Meanwhile, House has decided that there is no plausible reason for Kutner to commit suicide, so it must have been murder. Now he is investigating the "murder" of Lawrence Kutner. He is not there because he cares about Kutner. He only cares to solve the puzzle. The woman is getting worse, and it finally occurs to House that if she is sick, and they can't figure out what is wrong, then all the clues must not be there. Everybody lies, so she lied about something. He bursts in and asks why she would think the beaches of Rio are the same as the beaches of Hawaii. It turns out, she was bitten by some sort of fly. She comes clean and tells her husband that she just got tired of waiting for him to come so they can have their dream vacation in Rio, and she went with someone else. 

It's too late, however. She was not diagnosed in time.

House continues looking through Kutner's apartment, while everyone else attends the funeral. Taub, staying behind at the hospital, finally breaks down and cries."

Well, yes. Thanks. And aside from the fact that I was left hanging (after all, I've been known to read Wikipedia synopses of EVERYTHING to spoill it) by not really finding out how Kutner died, I would say it's one of the most solid and gripping episodes, up there with the 2-part Infected Pot and Season 4 finale episodes. A-

Next posts: look for criticism on Fringe, Hell's Kitchen, and NBC's Thurs. comedy. Possibly also American Idol, if chem becomes magically easier.

01 April 2009

Agenda, April 1

I've decided on each prime-number day of the month, I shall post my agenda for the day and try to make sense of it all.

I'm also trying my hand at dystopian Rorshachian poetry. I'm actually pretty good at it.

6:25--alarm. Bitch please.
6:55--I actually wake up. The shower drips like melancholy watermelon.
7:30--Bottom Line: general lethargy, lack of pranks
8:26--daily discussions of college acceptance. I also do a thing called Russian studies. But mostly the discussions.
9:20--math tests handed back. we congratulate a senior on his milestone achievement in the class: an A- test. It is a sophomore level course.
10:03--I start a 43 minute deeply intellectual conversation on the benefits and disadvantages of studying sexual psychology. sadly, the most stimulating (intellectually) encounter I have all day.
10:52--an hour of absolutely no jokes. we sing some sorry excuses for adjucate-able songs with local god, Gawle. my city screams. and when it does, i'll look at the prostitutes and say "no."
12:30--since English has by now proved unworthy of any attention, I am thrust into a vivid recount of the exciting life of Vince ShamWow, who was recently arrested for assulting a $1k hooker after she bit his tounge. despite going through a creative writing unit, we can't seem t make up a better story than this true one.
1:15--I realize that taking notes on sea turtles in French will not become one of my life pleasures. Le zut alors, c'est moi. Turtles left bad taste in mouth.
2:05--I am regaled with epipen training, even more CPR rescue breaths than I ever thought I'd see, and a tattoo of an electrical socket on my arm.
3:15--arrive home; go upstairs to start homework
4:30--intend to start homework, work on horribly decorated benefit poster instead
6--arrive at choral rehearsal, no homework done. general dedication, quality, bad songs, and haberdashery ensue.
7:30--arrive home for dinner.
8:30--start my homework, consisting mainly of sea turtles.
9:30--begin non-turtle related homework
10:30--begin wasting time posting

CFXD

19 March 2009

May we have a word? (Part 1)

Dear Wiley Miller,

May we have a word? According to dictionary.com, satire is "the use of irony, sarcasm, ridicule, or the like, in exposing, denouncing, or deriding vice, folly, etc." and, as I would add, predominantly and preferably funny. 

Now...

On to your "comic strip," your little labor of love, Non Sequitur. It seems we have found the greatest example of uncomedic satire since...Twain? Let me refresh your memory:

click for greater res

Ha. Ha ha. Ha HA. I do always love me some good ol' fashioned down home corn shuckin' tenured unfunny comic artists. I don't know about you, but I like my satire served up hot and subtle. 

Let me spell that out. S U B T L E. 

Until next rant, 
CFXD

15 March 2009

Fit for a "King"?

"There was of course no way of knowing whether you were being watched at any given moment. How often, or on what system, the Thought Police plugged in on any individual wire was guesswork. It was even conceivable that they watched everybody all the time. But at any rate they could plug in your wire whenever they wanted to. You had to live—did live, from habit that became instinct—in the assumption that every sound you made was overheard, and, except in darkness, every movement scrutinized." -- George Orwell, 1984

...and to painfully demean this work of art, this is the feeling I had while watching the first hour of Kings. Aside from Ian McShane's superb Big Brother-like character, doubling as both the warm leader and the iron-fisted monarch, this show unfortunately falls short of the mark. It is, as the Dallas Morning News's Tom Maurstad says, a glorified prime time soap opera. The 2-hr. premiere gives the viewer a dizzying primer: "so, we're in this country Gilboa, and it has a supreme monarch, and they're at war with another fake country, and the protagonist is a hick, and he falls in love with the princess, and the king hates how his son is gay, and the king is controlled by his financial backers, and..." the list goes on. At most times, it seems this show is trying to be too many things at once; a life lesson, a Bible reformatting, a soap with a broader audience. Since I turned this haberdashery off shortly after the first hour, it remains to be seen for me and many whether or not this show will gain enough of a following to keep airing. C

Ps--the site I obtained my Orwell from had some very entertaining commenters. Examples:

  • Freedom is the freedom to say that 2 + 2 = 4. All else shall follow. (WHOOPS. CLICHE ALERT / QUOTING ACCURACY FAIL)
  • 1984 Orwell is ALREADY here... you Brainwashed Idiots
    The New World Order is upon us. STOP THE FREEMASONS, FASCIST ZIONISTS, AND THE ULTRA WEALTHY ELITE OR BE CRUSHED UNDER THEIR FEET.
  • believe it or not, my friend's kid got suspended from school 2 years back for writing his book report on 1984 and relating it to present day America. The teacher actually called the essay unpatriotic. Insanity...
  • I love how people quote a work of fiction like it's the bible. I'm sorry the government hasn't legalized pot douchebags.
  • Remember kids: BIG BROTHER IS A PEDOPHILE If he promises you a toy or candy, that means he's trying to f*** you. If he gets his hands on you, it may already be too late to say "no". Big Brother is a known member of the NAGCLA - North American Government-Citizen Love Association. If you see Big Brother in your neighborhood, break his cameras with rocks and never get into his van, even if he offers you a Barbie.\
  • The things in 1984 which you can directly relate to today's gov't such as spying on citizens, using patriotic propaganda, waging war for peace, etc, are the things that you SEE. What about other things that are NOT so obvious? For example, a friend told me to google "Chemtrails." I did so and found a site with the kooky idea that the gov't was using aerial spraying to blanket us with unknown chemicals for unknown reasons. The proof? Just look up at the jet trails that crisscross the skies! Like I said, I thought this was a pretty kooky idea at first, but I live in Phoenix AZ and I began to keep an eye on these "chemtrails" and now I DO believe something is being sprayed. Case in point, one of the planes was fairly low, and I could see puffs every 100-200 yards or so along the contrail(chemtrail). My son even commented, "It looks like a centipede"! Another day, we had a beautiful cloudless sky, and during the day jet after jet crisscrossed the sky leaving a web of trails until there was (what appeared to be) total cloud cover! You could easily see where the contrails/chemtrails of the planes had been widened and spread out until they webbed together then finally formed one united covering. There was a "sheen" to the light from the sun, that looked remarkably like the sheen when oil is sprayed up into moist air. Maybe this spraying is for bird flu vaccine, after all, the gov't has already stated that migratory birds could spread the bird flu easily, as there's no way they could be controlled, or, maybe it's something more sinister. Whatever the case, I DO now believe the go'vt is spraying SOMETHING, some type of chemical(s) on us regularly. Crazy? I used to think so too, but I don't think it's a crazy idea anymore. Check into this for yourselves, whatever it is, it ISN'T simple water vapor, or it would dissipate, NOT linger for HOURS and form a cloud cover!
GOOD JESUS.

07 March 2009

Listmania

Nothing moistens the arid television-less state like some unnecessary lists...

MY TOP TEN COMEDIES OF ALL TIME (in no particular order):
  1. 30 Rock--obvious, really: NBC, Tina Fey, quirk, SNL parodies, etc.
  2. The Office--Michael Scott is THE most awkward person ever
  3. I Love Lucy--treason for not including, it introduced the modern sitcom
  4. The Honeymooners--the most criminally underplayed show on television
  5. Seinfeld--never challenge my mother to trivia. She will win.
  6. It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia--as a recent convert, all four seasons bring something uniquely entertaining and unexpected (ie Father Matthew Mara)
  7. Fraiser--the more I see, the more I laugh; Grammar and Pierce are a spectacular team...
  8. Everybody Loves Raymond--...as are Romano and Heaton. Now stop laughing at me for enjoying this show!
  9. Fawlty Towers--Monty Python's God-sent answer to the British invasion. I would never want John Cleese to be my hotel manager.
  10. The Simpsons--after 20 years, still television's best animated comedy
UNRANKED:
  • SNL--recent years, while fleetingly entertaining, let this show lose its credibility
  • MADtv--would be so much better with the dream-team cast, alphabetically headlined by Alex Borstein
  • Robot Chicken--Seth Green's brilliant brainchild is simply too short per episode
  • South Park--a close second to The Simpsons, no doubt
  • Daily Show/Colbert Report--would be mush higher on my list if I regularly watched them
  • Testees--GODAWFUL
MY TOP TEN SHOWS OF ALL TIME (in no particular order):
  1. 30 Rock
  2. The Office
  3. House--my reasons: writing; casting; Hugh Laurie (for acting); and Jennifer Morrison, Olivia Wilde, and Lisa Edelstein (for the other thing).
  4. Fringe--next to Sunny, the least elapsed time taken for me to like a new show.
  5. The Honeymooners
  6. Seinfeld
  7. It's Always Sunny...
  8. The Simpsons
  9. Fawlty Towers
  10. Spongebob Squarepants--yes, I know; but seriously, best kids show in existence (sorry Sesame Street).
THE RUNNERS UP:
  • Hell's Kitchen/Top Chef/Iron Chef--THE best food shows of their channels
MY TOP TEN MOST RIDICULOUSLY ATTRACTIVE FEMALES IN THE PUBLIC SPECTRUM (in particular order):
  1. Tina Fey--God who?
  2. Marion Cotillard--she spoke the truth last year "there IS angels in this city"
  3. Salma Hayek--can the 30 Rock cast-er get a raise, already?
  4. Olivia Wilde--birthname aside, pretty darn admirable in every way
  5. Jennifer Morrison--holds higher, hypothetical spot on list (pre-blonde, that is)
  6. Carla Gugino--thanks for reminding me, Watchmen...it was, of course, love at first Spy Kids
  7. Jenna Fischer--one of the 37 reasons to like The Office
  8. Kara DioGuardi--Judges' Table just got better (to look at, mainly)
  9. Penelope Cruz--optimal looks=photos of bedhair from Vicki Cristina Barcelona
  10. Jane Krakowski--only more supported by Tina Fey
THE RUNNERS UP:
That lesbian from Watchmen (almost made it)
The lead from Watchmen (would make it if she was not completely ridiculous)

--CFXD

05 March 2009

Oh, What a Night...

...the certain theme song for tonight's television scene, known in this household as the night of so much television it takes two simultaneous DVR tapings and live viewing just to get it all in. It kicked off today with American Idol, possibly the most ridiculous show on television, only made odder this week by the special one-hour wild card show, a method ressurected from Idol's brighter past (days where Paula's Coke cup wasn't completely spiked). In a clever gimmick, the producers decided to push for overemotional prima donna Tatianna Del Toro to return once more to the Idol stage, bringing along her bnoxious laugh, overemotional sobbing, and A NEW SPANISH ACCENT WHAT THE CHEESECAKE???!!? When your fake accent even has Paula making lucid criticisms, you know you've gone too far. She even went so far as to plagirize earlier contestant Jorge in something he expressed ONE WHOLE DAY AGO..."You know, I'm like what Jorge said, when I'm really emotional, I think in Spanish and the English comes out wrong, but when I think in English, I can take the accent out...I worked on my accent for, like, four years."
Spoiler Alert: FAKE ACCENT...Really, Tatiana? Really? 
You can't try to pull that on us when you 
try to sing like Raven Symone 
for the whole goshdarn competion
(I'ma SHHHHAVING all my LAHVING fa you)...

And then just when we feel like we've figured the Top 12 out, Matt beats out the more talented Anoop for a spot....only to learn that the judges are MAKING A TOP 13 ZOMG! Oh, judges, your creativity just slays me.

Eh. Enough of that. On to Hell's Kitchen.

Ah, it never felt more like the end of Top Chef as when Chef Ramasy gives the teams a challenge, a budget, and a guest judge...trying to take a cue from the most successful food show? Once again, sort
of uneventful--sumo wrestlers come in in a tribute to the episode's Asian fusion cuisine challenge, Coleen sends out raw food, the usual--until the elimination, where Ramsay overturned both the Reds' nomination of loud but weak Andrea and the Blues' of dunderhead J in favor of ousting Coleen, claiming she had five dinner services, all of them disasters on her part (true).
I banish you FROM Hell!
Oh, well. She had it coming, to say the least.

Oh, and next week's a bar mitzvah in Hell's Kitchen. King of kings, joy of joys, indeed.

Mazel Tov,
CFXD

PS--Fabio won Top Chef fan favorite. All bets off.

26 February 2009

That Foxy FOX

Another installment of Hell's Kitchen and more sneaking suspicions that it's really just Top Chef for the uncultured. Today the publicity gurus of FOX decided it was high time to create a sabotage (or savatage, whichever) scandal. The perpetrator? Find out during the episode.
Great plan, except, of course, that no one actually tried to sabotage anyone else. It was just another relatively boring episode of catfights and heated brawls amongst the barking commands of His Holiness Gordon Ramsay. And although resident Forrest Gump Seth was thankfully kicked off, the show will prove to be as saucy as ever with the show's thickhead Coleen and lazy Lacey sure to impress with incredibly and increasingly idiotic antics.
So what is to expect? In short, more explicit yelling...

CFXD 

Oh, Jakisa Nicole...

Well, another season of Top Chef has come and passed us all, like Halley's Comet or my bus home (almost). Both my predictions were incorrect: Carla lost to Hosea and Stefan didn't win (the only blessing to be had), and Carla ended up crying the show out. I am forever opposed to good ol whatsherface, the sous chef that by way of sous vie and souffle (God am I on a roll) destroyed Hootie's chances of winning. Although I'm sure the upcoming fan favorite doesn't mind she's driving off with a new VENZA.
(must always be capitalized to signify yelling)

In other news, I was cast in the local production of Brigadoon as Archie Beaton. Scohhish oksents ah haahd, leaddie.

Ah yes, and Fringe, my new favorite physical activity (trick phrase! I don't even know what that is) is on hiatus for another 5 or so weeks, so entertaining myself has proved difficult. Today I glanced at my Fringe cast desktop photo and noticed something funny, so I decided to proclaim it in the art of song:
"Oh, Jakisa Nicole,
Your face is asymmetrical,
Oh, Jakisa Nicole,
Jakisa Nicole"

Now, of course, it isn't really, but the picture makes it look that way.
 (far right)
I smell a Grammy.

Till later
CFXD

25 February 2009

Musings and the like

  • Ash Wednesday rules are set by age, not by status in the church, as communion and other things of that sort are.
  • Homework is a dreary yet efficient way of keeping kids away from drugs, fun, and Trackside (or your money back).
  • I'M SO INDIE. SERIOUSLY YOU GUYS.
  • I own more wooden flowers than I do books of David Sedaris. Someday, this fact will become the sole interest and truth of the world.
  • Le Franglish est une language vrai; chouette.
  • While it is true that New Jersey is neither new nor a jersey, it is also true that New Hampshire is not new but very hampshire indeed.
  • HOOTIE HOO! This blog endorses Carla until she loses to that pompous derriere Stefan, at which point this post will become merely about a Venza-winning bobblehead who inevitably will become fan favorite.
  • All vegetables are healthy, except brain corn, which is both posionous and sentient. WERE YOU AWARE OF IT?